May 2011
2 posts
April 2011
6 posts
heh →
Where does Denzel look? →
Good gawd →
What time is it? →
Radical →
December 2010
2 posts
See you in January →
November 2010
2 posts
Gotta get me some luggage →
September 2010
1 post
July 2010
1 post
This would be a great ad for Capt. Morgan Parrot... →
June 2010
4 posts
H14
Six outlets till I found one that worked.
$25 for a beer and burger. Extra charge for cheese that was in the title.
Couple babies getting on same flight.
Raining outside.
The view…a highway.
And every 15 minutes the time is announced.
Airports suck.
Announcement: It is now 4:00.
Watching the World Cup
I get comfortable and put on the match.
bzzzzzzz
bzzzzzz
bzzzzzzz
bzzzzzzzz
bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I turn the TV off.
Finals Week
Copywright stared at the screen. Red lines. Intruding his final video.
Command + R. Command + R. Command + R. Command + R. Command + R. Command + R. Command + R. Command + R. Command + R. Command + R. Command + R. Command + R. Command + R.
Matthew and the stripper
Matthew asked the stripped her thoughts as she was grinding on him.
“Well, I cannot believe how delayed BP has been in their resolution of the oil spill. Think of all the aquatic life that has suffered an unbearable plight due to BP’s shortsightedness. It disquiets me.
Another dance honey?”
May 2010
12 posts
Winner →
Whiskey, with an E.
Chip was out with coworkers. He drank Jameson®.
Steph was there. The hottest girl at work.
“Hey Steph, can I get you a drink?”
“Thanks I’m fine.”
“Want go to the movies Friday?”
“No. Chip, I don’t like you like that.”
Chip punched Steph in the nose. “You like that?”
Club Dolce
“This club is fucking awesome” Chuck thought. He saw a girl at the bar. She didn’t have pockets, a purse, or a bra on.
“Hey. I notice you didn’t bring any money, but you’re drinking a Cosmo. Weird.”
“Fuck off loser.”
Chuck knocked over the Cosmo, “Have a nice night.”
Do Not Be Alarmed
I looked at my grocery list. Needed milk still. And water.
The fire alarm went off. Please proceed to the exit.
I looked at my full cart.
I looked at the flashing alarm.
I looked at my full cart.
Please proceed to the exit.
“Fuck that.”
Shane
Shane wasn’t sure if she liked boys or girls. She thought “It’s college, I’ll try everything I can. It’s totally normal.”
She went to the first big party of the year at Sigma Pi. She was looking for the bathroom when some guy puked on her.
Shane eventually married Jennifer.
Thirsty Thursday
Go go go!
The crowd cheered as Ryan tilted back. The beer bong at Sigma Pi started on the second floor, finished on the first. Three beers fill in.
Ryan was new. It was the first week of class, Ryan wanted to be cool.
So cool he threw up. Everywhere.
Work 2.0
File. New project. Click. Drag. Apple + T. Resize. V key. Drag to margin. W key. Click away. Command + D. Find a spot. Double click text. Type new headline. V key. Slide to top. Don’t like it. Command + Z. Import file. W key. File. Save as. Export. Command + Q.
2001-2010, Cell Evolution
I pick her up, my phone rings.
We order drinks, I’m texting.
We discuss twitter, as I check mine.
She gets a salad, she’s texting.
Another round of drinks, checking e-mail.
Car ride home, she’s facebooking.
Drop her off, get another call.
Back at home, she sends a topless picture.
Ricky
He ran. He had it all. Heisman. Magazine covers. Video games. $Millions. Children. He gave it up. Didn’t care. Broke the rules. Broke the law. Absentee Dad. Suspended. Retired. Found himself. Returned. Suspended. Returned. Injured. Got healthy. Started to care. Non-Absentee Dad. He kept running. He’s back. He’s happy.
Superhero
The year was 1951. Paul was walking home and stopped a bank robber’s escape. Then rescued a girl scout from a burning building.
He sat, and invented the internet.
He got a drink, then scribbled something. It read “Cure for cancer…don’t open for one hundred years.” Thank you Paul Jackson Pollock.
Meeting her Dad
Diana tried to give me pointers. “Just tell him jokes. He loves to laugh.”
I’m at the dinner table, nervous like a virgin surgeon. “So Mr. Collins, how do you stop a baby from choking?” He shrugged. “Take your dick out of it’s mouth.”
I excused myself from the table.
Not my thing
I look up at the huge wall. Five or six of these same paintings. All done by a guy named Jackson. I’m trying to act interested, I’m feeling the divorcee that invited me to meet her here. But I couldn’t hold it in anymore. “This is fucking art?”
April 2010
4 posts
Stanley
Stanley kept walking, even though he heard a woman’s scream. He liked to stay out of trouble.
His phone rang when he was driving. It was the hospital, his wife was attacked earlier.
He didn’t see the ball bounce into the road. Or the boy chasing it. He didn’t brake.
Craigslist
Jordan. 5’7. Dark hair. Liked to be told what to do. Everything you’d ever want. So I sent her an e-mail. She said “put me in my place at your place. Friday.” I said I lived on 19th street. Friday came. I opened the door. Jordan was a he.
Cid
Cid’s on the floor. He already missed his flight. Now a hooded man with an AK-47 stood over him. He’s yelling at everyone. Some fucking gibberish, who can understand that guy. So Cid just got on the ground. Seemed like the best bet. Cid texted Tiffany. “Ima b L8.”
Draw
We stood. Facing each other. Arm up, barrel aimed. It’s me or him. Gotta be me. I pulled the trigger. I heard a sound. Bang.
Louder than that. Much louder. It almost hurts. It does hurt.
I look at my finger. Never fired a shot. Arm drops. He stood.